Saturday, October 26, 2024
If this entry doesn’t make sense at times, I will blame it on the alcohol. Sometimes…. Most of the time, this is less of a blog, and more of a mental health diary/record for myself. I don’t think anyone actually reads it, but I am hoping someone might find it, and be able to learn from it. A lot has changed since my last entry, but I will not delve on changes, id rather discuss the current situation. This year has been difficult in a number of ways. I have felt the worst pain, and the greatest highs. I would not say it is my worst year to date for a number of reasons, but it has been both the best and the worst while not being the worst, but not quite being the absolute best. In some areas, it has been the best. There are a number of factors that make me thing this way. I cant really discuss why it may have have been bad, as the horrible parts have simply been moments. The bad times….. May have been the worst I have ever felt, but I have had no suicide attempts. There have been a few very bad relapses of self harm, but it was in the moment, and after those moments have passed, I have been able to reflect in a much more mature way than I have in the past. The main theme of the past 2 or 3 years is that I have been trying to discover (or rediscover) myself. After years on drugs, I felt like I had lost it. But I had come to realise that I never really lost it, because I never knew what it was to begin with. It had always been there, but I never really focused on it. I am who I am. I am dynamic, I will go thru different phases of interests and shit, but what has remained constant is my passion for things that I love, and the love that I share with others. I found love in myself from loving others. Those who know me well, may not recognize the love I give them, but I hope they feel it, because I DO. I don’t need to discover anything. Throughout my struggles with mental health, drugs, and relationships, I have always remained true to my values. I am not proud of the things I have done, but I am proud of the way I have treated others, and I have been learning to treat myself the same way. My thought channels are a lot more flexible. I am not so fixed on the way I think things should be. I am deserving of what I give, but I am no longer upset if I don’t get it back, as I will give it to myself. I have made healthier options both mentally and physically. I have lost maybe 7 kilograms in the last month, and now that things are rolling, I am losing around 1kg a week. I am eating healthier, and I am eating less. I feel lighter, and I am able to make better use of my strength because of this. I no longer drink 4 to 7 days a week. I sometimes only drink once a fortnight. I work my ass off. I want to say more, and there is a lot more to say, especially regarding work and hobbies, but I am tired, and still have a few drinks left.
I will say a last thing (?). There is not much i am focused on. I do not focus on immediate family, they will always be there, and I will always be there for them. I focus on myself, I focus on Becky, I focus on my art, and I focus on work. I need a piss. Bye
Friday, May 10, 2024
It is now official as of today. Signed the contract. Have switched departments from the microsurfacing crew I was on to the laboratory here at home. Same company, just an entirely different department. Spent like 4 or 5 months in the lab last year when we didnt have micro work in the cold season. It's a good fit for me, everything is very logical, and I'm good at it. I get to spend more time with my friends and partner, and more time doing what I love, creating music and visuals. The pay is significantly worse, and my expenses are higher, but there is more opportunity to grow and network. Ideally I would like to shift from the lab to production at some point. There is currently an opportunity to work as a blending plant operator, and I would likely get the job, but right now I just want to keep things steady, and give myself time to catch up with everything. Thats what my brain needs. Everything will be okay :]
Tuesday, April 2, 2024
Struggling lately. BPD has been very hard to control lately. Splitting all day long. Last two days were very very grim. Yesterday was nearly the end. Stopped myself. Feeling fantastic today. Things are not always as bad as what they seem, but at the same time, not always as good as what they seem. It is very important to be self aware. Back in WA for work. Away from home, away from my thoughts. Happy with "Telegraph of". Happy to see my friends. Happy to be away from my thoughts. It's not always bad. Psychotic symptoms have returned after 3 years. I love the support my friends give me. I must be doing something right to still have the support. I have hope.
Much Love
Monday, January 29, 2024
Fuck adobe, fuck them so hard. Before I unsubscribed today, I went to download all my cloud files which is mostly lightroom cloud sync, from a span of 6 years across a few different computers and a couple phones. I do not have many of these files saved anywhere else (or cbf finding them) so I needed to download my whole library. Turns out you cant do it in the lightroom program or website, you need to download a 370mb program from adobe to do something this simple. 32gb of high res film scans, digital photos, and 3d renders. At least it categorised it for me.
Saturday, January 27, 2024
Have managed to stay away from drinking for the most part. Unfortunately I had a very bad relapse in self harm while I was working away. It's pretty bad, but i feel great now, it needs to happen every now and again, as stupid as that may sound to others. Please do not worry, I am living the dream.
Friday, December 29, 2023
So incredibly tired. Have been making a lot of pleasant music. Gig tomorrow, some of my best material is ready to be played. Going to try and abstain from drinking.
Sunday, December 17, 2023
It has been a while since I've written an entry on here. A lot of things have been going on. worked myself to the ground. Been killing it at work but there is a lot of pressure on me in both the workplace and my personal life. Things are moving forward but my personal life has halted. Have had some motivation recently, there will be new music out soon and gigs on the 30th and 31st. I need to look after myself to avoid another breakdown, so I might go a bit tryhard on the music soon. 2 singles and a mixtape is planned so far. spread love and share passion. hold those who you love close, they might not be there the next day. ciao
Friday, June 2, 2023
I can't really see myself going back to the mpc now that I have been using maschine. I pulled it out the other day and had a really hard time getting to where I can easily get in maschine. It's just not as good. I am thinking of selling it as I dont really need standalone any more as I do not have the time for live sets. I think if I ever get the chance to do live sets again, it will be on a maschine+ (if i ever buy one), or just hardware.
Monday, July 31, 2023
This entry has been removed.
Friday, June 2, 2023
I can't really see myself going back to the mpc now that I have been using maschine. I pulled it out the other day and had a really hard time getting to where I can easily get in maschine. It's just not as good. I am thinking of selling it as I dont really need standalone any more as I do not have the time for live sets. I think if I ever get the chance to do live sets again, it will be on a maschine+ (if i ever buy one), or just hardware.
Saturday, May 27, 2023
Loving the direction my music is headed in, but I am starting to miss the fun of acid. I think its about time I crack the trusty td-3 out again and write some patterns while I am home.
Monday, May 15, 2023
Pyramids were built with sound
Sunday, May 14, 2023
Big night at the pub with work crew. Big day too. Don't remember much. Loving life tho.
I love maschine, one of my fav tools. this thing is insane
Saturday, May 6, 2023
The current price of film hurts me. It's doubled in 2 years. No more 400h either :(
Tuesday, May 2, 2023
Got pretty wrecked last tour. a lot of work. Got myself a maschine to take to work with me. Will be starting and finishing many tracks with it.
I love it, workflow is fast, and the libraries sound good. its nice to not be limited by the mpc's ram and processing power for once.
Check the archive section.
Saturday, April 1, 2023
Love my new job. Happiest and most comfortable I have ever been. Bought a digitone to take with me on tours alongside my digitakt.
I will be able to buy a house very quickly with Becky. We both have really well paying jobs.
Sunday, March 26, 2023
On Monday I got a job at Fulton Hogan on their microsurfacing team. Microsurfacing is basically the resurfacing of an already existing road to repair it. It very laborious. Was quite a shock to my body, I'm sure I will get used to it. I really enjoy it so far, and the money is good. Going to blow the first paycheck on an octatrack to take with me lol. Might not even have time for it though. It's long work days 6 days a week.
Friday, March 17, 2023
Despite some unfortunate and defeating setbacks regarding my work status, I am feeling good.
I am fulfilled creatively. my relationships with friends, family, and my partner are fantastic, and I bought myself a new swatch.
I am very happy with my jungle remix of the rich boy song. Thank you to my dear friends Hunter (DJ Breaking Even) for introducing me to the absolute classic that is Throw Some D's, and Jack who introduced me to moises.ai, which I used to isolate the vocals.
Tuesday, March 14, 2023
I want to mention and thank Leroy AKA Binofski for pushing me to release a track late last year (test... test?) that I was hesitant to release becuase I was unsure if it was ready. It's still not perfect, the mix is dogshit, and I need to fix it, but he told me to put it out and move on to the next. Solid advice, and critical in my development.
Thursday, March 9, 2023
New digitakt update is much appreciated. It is a perfect little jungle box now that you can slice samples by time division.
Combined with all the elektron goodness such as automation and parameter locks, it really takes things to the next level. If you have a ton of break samples that are the same tempo and length, and you have them all next to each other in the sample pool, you can flick through them as the sequence is playing, or automate it. epic and cool.
Monday, March 6, 2023
This is a scene I made in blender a few weeks ago.
It is a desert.
Made some low poly palm trees and placed them around, the sand dunes are just a plane with not many subdivisions.
There is also water at the bottom. Hard lighting and hard edges provide contrast. Looks good with indexed colour, I like dithering.
This will be the cover for the deeper cut of 206.
Saturday, March 4, 2023
303 day set was a success. Everything went smooth.
It was recorded too O_o
I am very happy.
Wednesday, March 1, 2023
Wiped a thick layer of dust off my sp404 yesterday and removed all the disgusting stickers the previous owner left on. Looks fresh.
Been loving making shit on it lately. This is my 3rd 404. Had a 404a a couple years ago when I had no patience, sold it. Bought a 404mkii the next year, traded it for a tr8s (thanks Shaun).
Purchased another 404a (current one) mid 2022, and have been using it as zero hassle audio recorder, and occasionally making some music on it. Last couple of days I've been making some shit with it.
Its dirty, its filthy, there is a ton of buzz when resampling, a lofi button. Its great. The compressor sounds great. The muscle memory is still there, hard to forget as its so simple.
Going to be cranking out some absolutely filthy house music with it going forward that I will post on this site.
On a side note, I am now a Lockheed Martin authorized dealer. AGM114R9X now in stock.
Monday, February 27, 2023
Set for 303 day is sounding good. I am very happy with it, and i think its my best yet. A mix of improv and pre planned stuff. Plenty of acid.
My past sets have been..... okay. For the first time I actually feel very confident. I have come a long way in the last couple of months.
Have overcome a big rut that I found myself in. I am enjoying what I am making. I am very tired still.
Tuesday, February 21, 2023
I havent been sleeping much. I'm very tired.
Tomorrow I will enjoy a Subway in Adelaide. I will buy myself a new ssd, I am running out of storage space due to storing long recordings of Seinfeld re-runs (with ads).
Check out this image...
Wednesday, February 15, 2023
Ok I am going to have a little rant post about some shit that is pissing me off to a very high degree.
The secondhand camera market is so fucked up right now, and I do not know why. It truly blows my mind that old digital cameras from over 8 years ago have GONE UP in price in the last 3 years. I see some fucking little shit on facebook marketplace right now trying to sell his fuji x100 (first model) for 800 dollars.
Like are you fucking kidding me? A 12 year old camera? for 800?
I sold mine for $450 about three or four years ago now, in good condition, becuase that is what the price was. I saw some fucking shithead on an australian fuji group trying to sell his x100s for $1150 (10 year old camera). Never have I wanted to send my private military company out for a hit on someone so bad, this shit really pisses me off. The fucker was getting roasted in the comments but was doubling down saying things like "they are selling for more than this on ebay in australia right now".
And this is what our problem is. These egotistical idiots are checking ebay sold prices before even thinking about a price in their head. They do not think about what a good price might be, or what they personally would pay for the item. This is why prices have gone UP, for dated cameras. These are not rare cameras.
Tuesday, February 14, 2023
The logistics are good, do not worry!
Monday, February 13, 2023
I am manufacturing authentic PEZ on an institutional scale.
I have another casio watch coming in the mail, a gold trimmed f91-w, I am sure you care.
700 googly eyes and 100 smiley face stickers are also on their way. Big plans coming soon.
9:39pm UPDATE: Adelaide Regional Television is now live.
Thursday, February 9, 2023
I am lobbying to BRING BACK DUELING.
I am now collecting donations to support my cause.
COME TO THE NEXT MACHINE CITY CENTRAL GIG ON THRUSDAY THE 16TH OF FEBRUARY AT ANCIENT WORLD.
Jack and I are going to put on a very nice show
Friday, February 3, 2023
196 lemon. my review: very good!
my private jet is leaking piss and crude oil.
punch your enemies in the chest where their heart is, stop the heart.
Mulva? Dolores?
Check out this image...
Wednesday, February 1, 2023
Purchased a Chinese watch dealership in Kuwait.
Expected to turn over 20,000(???) in the first month.
Check out this image...
Tuesday, January 31, 2023
Purchased 6 pairs of pants.
Added a new section to the music page.
Monday, January 30, 2023
Aqquired adelaideacid.fun for this sites domain.
Added music page.
Site is now operational. I had built this website in 2021, but web hosting is more than I was willing to pay for a low traffic site.
I am hosting on geocities. It is free, and all I needed to do was copy and paste my styles, pages, and files into it.
I will try to add a chat box to the site.
Sunday, January 29, 2023
I am now online!
Happy.
Tuesday, September 21, 2021
Robbed a kid for his airpods, his dad caught up to me and then his dad caught a rock to the skull.
Monday, September 20, 2021
Max did a shit on me today
Sunday, September 19, 2021
Test
